For those who are following my blog in real-time, you know that I haven't posted in a while. I want to apologize, especially to M & S's families because I know this blog is a way to stay connected through the distance.
As most of you know, things have been a little bumpy lately. On March 20th, at 9 weeks, 2 days pregnant, we had our follow up ultrasound to check on the little nuggets. Well, things didn't go quite as planned. I knew right from the instant the scan started that something was wrong. The first sight I saw on the screen was a big empty sac and my heart immediately sunk. The doctor quickly moved to the next baby without really saying anything and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw a squiggly little baby but I couldn't help but worry about the first one. The scan determined that the first baby we looked at had passed away at about 8 weeks gestation.
I didn't really know what to feel as the doctor continued the ultrasound. M & S were Skyped in so they were watching everything that was happening and all I wanted to do was hug them at that point. I couldn't see their reaction or how they were doing because of where the tablet was. Rushes of guilt and sadness started washing over me. Was it something I did? But when the doctor was measuring the living baby and I saw it's arms and legs moving around and heart beating strong, I felt a little peace.
It took me some time to really process everything. My heart was broken for M & S. They dreamed of having twins. We weren't able to talk much after the ultrasound but we did Skype the next morning. It was hard for me to see the tears in their eyes. Usually our skype sessions are so light-hearted but this one was different. I am completely blown away by the strength and optimism that these two people have. Even with the bad news, they were concerned about how I was doing. They were ready to morn the loss of their baby and celebrate the life of the one that's still growing.
It's been a few weeks since we found out and I think we have all moved on to the excitement of the baby inside. M & S have told me a number of times that just having a child at all is a miracle for them. I'm so honored and so happy to be able to help bring them their miracle.
Another reason for my delay in posting is that I just felt like crap. There were a couple weeks where I didn't feel like facing the world at all. Now things are much, much better. I still have off days but 99% of the time I feel great. My energy is coming back, I no longer feel like I have to eat constantly, I'm not feeling sick, and my mood is much better. I am completely done with shots now (YAY!) and today is my last day of suppositories (Double YAY!). It will be nice to move on to a normal pregnancy with no medications!
I stopped the PIO injections march 27th (10 weeks, 2 days pregnant) and the Delestrogen on March 30th. Since stopping the medication I've felt a relief in my symptoms. It may just be a coincidence but things seemed to be much better quickly after stopping them. I don't know if this was related to the medication or not, but for some reason I had a really hard time looking at any type of screen for a long period of time. My eyes would start to ache and I would get this burning type headache if I looked at my phone or a computer or a T.V. for more than 15 minutes or so. Luckily that has gotten much better as well.
So I've been released from the fertility clinic and will see a regular OB on the 16th. I'm using a different hospital and provider than I did with my children so it will be neat to see how it goes. I do have some anxiety about this upcoming appointment. I have no idea what I would do if we received bad news at this one, too, but I'm trying my best to stay positive. I wish I was far enough along to feel the baby move so i had some reassurance throughout the day that the little bean is doing alright in there. M & S both have their opinions on what the gender of the baby is and so do I but I don't want to jinx anything. I'm hoping to get a sneak peak at this next appointment, even though it will be really early for determining gender.
M & S are going to be in town at the end of the month and I really can't wait to see them! They will e spending 5 days here so we should get some good quality time in.
Thank you to those who have been so supportive throughout this journey and for those who have supported M & S. This has been such a crazy ride and I know the best is yet to come. <3
P.S- I promise I will be better about updating the blog :)
